


Flowers of Love

by oreamilkshake



Category: STVF, Seduce the villain's father, 악당의 아빠를 꼬셔라 | Seduce the Villain's Father (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Major character death - Freeform, Two Endings, for the sake of 300 ffs, only in second chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26066614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oreamilkshake/pseuds/oreamilkshake
Summary: When I called your name, you came to me like a flower.Yerenica, after being brutally rejected by Erudian, started to develop the symptoms of Hanahaki Disease.
Relationships: Yereninovica Lebovny/Erudian Belgoat
Comments: 18
Kudos: 119





	1. You made flowers grow in my lungs

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and sorry for the long wait, my daddycation sisters! Also to those who are waiting for FF1 (In Your Arms), I hear you and thank you all for the kudos and the lovely comments. I will get on it real quick, don't worry.
> 
> For now, enjoy the story!
> 
> btw this was meant for the monthsary but they wanted the other one-shot so i complied lmao
> 
> Also, forgive any grammatical error. It is 12 AM and I have been working on this for days every late evening and early morning (I'm that stoopid).

“I’m in the middle of trying to love her.”

Yerenica felt pain in her chest with those words. Unexpected pain. It felt like hands reached out and squeezed her heart. The sensation made it difficult to breathe and she could feel her quintessence faltering despite the energy the emperor’s divinity gave her.

“What?” she managed to let out. Opening her mouth seemed to make her lose some of her oxygen from her lungs.

When she heard his voice again, she felt numb with his words.

“You will be sent back as soon as the King of Lebovny opens the Glucaman Road.”

With those words, Belgoat’s owner turned and left her by the gardens of the Imperial Palace, her blue eyes never straying from the back of the man who had just rejected her. Yerenica could not move as slowly, the man she had just offered her hand for vanished from her sight. The romantic and dreamy atmosphere of white rose petals in the air made her want to choke.

 _It hurts…_ She raised a hand to clutch her chest, her breathing coming out in short gasps. _Ah, it really hurts. Why?_

She knew that the words of love she spouted out of her mouth was… nonsense. She had admiration for him, maybe but not love. She wasn’t in that stage yet.

_Am I?_

Yerenica shook her head, staring at the lively green grass underneath her feet.

Her attempt in saving the man’s life had failed. Her attempt in surviving failed as well in the process. She let the painful and embarrassing experience go as she let out her frustration to the older man.

“What the hell are you thinking? Argh, that guy.” She huffed and turned to go back to her palace. “You don’t mean it.” Yerenica whispered to herself, ignoring the shocked and upset Marianne beside her.

“You don’t mean it…”

 _But what if he does?_ Yerenica bit her lips. _He did marry Lady Elard despite feeling apprehensive of her._

“What would have happened if Lady Elard heard you?” her maid panicked behind her, a look of fear in her face and eyes. “The princess does not know how scary Lady Elard is!”

Yerencia let out a sad smile, not having the energy to respond more to her maid. “Trust me… I know.”

**_Painful hands grabbing her and trying to sink her underground…_ **

Yerenica cleared her throat from the itchy sensation. “Anyway, I’m feeling tired. And besides, if something goes wrong, Raulus will take care of me.” she tried to reassure the anxious maid.

**[Now, when did I say that?]**

Yerenica gave off a low chuckle at the god’s question and continued on her way back. Her mind filled with thoughts as she tried to distract herself with the awful sensation on her chest.

 _Is it pride? Ego?_ Yerenica shrugged to herself as she continued walking, her hand on her throat trying to placate the itchy feeling. _I mean… I…_ she shook her head and just went inside.

**[Are you okay, Crumbs?]**

Yerenica coughed to elevate the itchiness of her throat. “I’m fine.” She said. Thankfully Marianne thought it was a way to appease her after coughing. “I’m fine.”

✿❀❁❀✿

“I love you.” She cried, clinging to his pants. “Please, believe me. I do.”

The emperor of Belgoat watched emotionless at the woman who wept at his feet. His red-violet eyes continued to stare at the pitiful woman who was a sobbing mess on the ground, begging and begging for him to love him.

“What do I have to do to make you love me? What do I have to be?” she inched closer, crying at the clothing of his legs. “Do I have to be as beautiful as her? What will it take for you to love me?”

“Princess,” the low voice of Belgoat’s owner came to her ears and she looked up. Through her blurry eyes, she could see nothing but silver hair and red-violet eyes. “I didn’t kidnap you to marry you.”

“I don’t love you.”

✿❀❁❀✿

**_“COUGH!”_ **

Yerenica bolted upright in bed and let out a cough. She clutched her chest and continued to let out air from her lungs.

“ _Cough, cough, cough…._ Ahhhh.” She let out a sigh of relief when it was over, collapsing on the bed, filled with exhaustion from the involuntary act from her body. “Heuk…” Yerenica rubbed her chest to make the ache go away, her mouth taking in and taking out air to regain control over her breathing.

“Haaa…. Haaa…” she panted, sweat dripping down her forehead as she stared at the white, carved ceiling with sunken eyes.

**[You okay?]**

“I’m fine.”

**[You’ve been saying that a lot lately.]**

Yerenica closed her eyes and swallowed the painful and large lump in her throat. “I’m fine.”

✿❀❁❀✿

_“Cough, cough, cough!”_

“Princess?” Marianne asked out in concern, stopping her hands from pouring down her tea while Diego glanced at her in worry. Yerenica could feel some divinity coming from the man and she sighed. It was good, but it was not the same as his.

_No, stop. Why are you thinking of such thoughts?_

“Your Highness, are you alright?” Diego asked her worriedly as he leaned towards her across the small table. “You have been coughing since earlier.”

“No, she has been coughing for two days now.” Marianne bit her lower lip, “Should I call the Imperial Doctor?”

Yerenica shook her head while clearing her throat. “No, no. It’s fine.” She eased her maid and the priest. “It’s just a small cough that will go away. Also, I don’t think the Emperor will take kindly to me calling upon the Imperial Family’s doctor.”

Diego shook his head with a kind smile. “I’m sure His Majesty won’t mind, Princess. Especially when it comes to you.” Marianne flinched at his words and Yerenica looked down at her tea.

 _How would you know?_ She closed her eyes and let out a smile.

“I’m bored. I apologize but, I would like to talk a short walk by myself. If you don’t mind?”

“Princess---.” Marianne tried to protest but Yerenica just stood, leaving the two behind in the sitting room.

She passed by maids and guards who inquired over her health as she headed outside but Yerenica just shrugged them off, walking lethargically outside to the gardens.

The scent of white roses were slowly growing on her nerves but she continued to walk and take in the fresh air, fresh air that made her sick. Yerenica continued walking despite of the smell of the white roses, eyes half-open and not truly aware of her surroundings as she walked alone in the large unoccupied greenery inside the palace grounds.

_Clack, clack, clack._

Yerenica looked up at the sound. For a moment, she had hoped it was the person she wanted to see after days but the moment she saw who it was, she coughed.

Red hair.

“Hahaha…” Yerenica let out an embarrassed laugh as she rubbed her chest. She offered an apologetic smile to the older woman. “I apologize for that.”

“…” Soleia Elard didn’t respond as she continued to give the Lebovnyan royalty a cold gaze.

Yerenica gulped down the fear clawing at her throat, fear that made it itchy and she wanted to scratch her insides because of it. It was the second time she had met the lady face to face, both of them had fear clouding her entire being.

“The… weather is very nice…?” Yerenica said awkwardly to difuse the tense and silent atmosphere between them. When Lady Elard said nothing, she continued, a forced smile on her face. “T-The sky is very clear, is it not?”

A rumble from a thunder could be heard from a distance and Yerenica wanted to cry at her misfortune. _And here I thought speaking with a god would grant me luck and blessings._

Lady Elard finally graced her with a small smile, “Yes, it is a fine day.” She lifted her head to the sky with an amused glance. “I like days like this. I guess you do, too.” Those dark eyes went back down to scan her from head to toe. “You don’t look well.”

“…” Yerenica shifted uncomfortably underneath the gaze. It was entirely different from how she felt when the emperor did the same days ago. “I… hear that a lot lately.”

This… This was the woman who Belgoat’s owner would be marrying, this would be the woman who would have the chance to spend the rest of her life by his side---

 ** _“Cough, cough, cough!”_** Yerenica doubled over, covering her mouth with one hand while the other went to her stomach. **_“Cough, cough, cough!”_**

“My… Are you alright?”

Yerenica let out a breath of air as she waved off the woman’s concerns. “Oh, it’s fine. Nothing some ginger and honey won’t fix, trust me.”

“… You,” Yerenica hesitantly lifted her eyes at her hearing Lady Elard speak once again, “You must have be having some trouble sleeping.”

“…”

Yerenica stiffened at the comment from the woman before her. And her eyes hardened. _How does she know?_ Her frozen figure worsened when the woman stepped closer to her and whispered in her hear.

“You look as if you have been haunted.” She whispered as if she was sharing a secret. “I don’t know but, you must have been possessed by something.” Lady Elard pulled away, that all-too-similar smile still on her face as she looked down at Yerenica.

“…” Yerenica stared at the woman for a moment, before she let out a bright smile. “My, a ghost? I don’t know what you mean, Lady Elard.”

 _Has she done something? Why is she making it sound so obvious?_ Her hands twitched. _Is it because she knows that His Majesty won’t believe me?_

Yerenica cleared her throat, her bright smile ever in her face despite her lips struggling to keep the act. “My dreams have been very rough lately. How do you find out? What an amazing talent Lady Elard.” She complimented while the woman continued to stare at her, saying nothing. Those red lips remaining in that smile.

_Ah, I want to leave._

“I heard you’re a very strong wizard. How amazing!” she clapped in wonder and delight, trying to feign an act of being a naïve, ignorant and silly princess in front of the frightening and powerful dark wizard.

In reality, she wanted to collapse on the ground, her knees were shaking with nervousness and she hoped it didn’t show.

Lady Elard let out a smooth smile after a moment. “You… look fine.”

“How kind of you, My Lady.” Yerenica giggled, hiding her inner thoughts and expression. _Please, just go away already!_ She wanted to cry to the woman but she refrained. For some reason, the more time she spent in this woman’s company, the more itch appeared on her throat and the more she wanted to… to just… cry.

_What?_

“I wish you good health, Princess.” Lady Elard let out a mocking smile which Yerenica wanted to run away from. “Then…” She brushed past Yerenica and once she had seen that the fearsome woman was far, she collapsed to the ground, clutching her aching chest.

“Heuk…” she groaned, tears streaming down her face.

 _It hurts. It hurts!_ She panted out, trying to gain some air but it only made her more sick with the scent of roses coming in her mouth and it was almost like she could taste them.

**[Hey, take better care of yourself. Get the doctor or something.]**

Yerenica just nodded to quiet him. She remained there for who-knows long until Marianne went out to look for her and shouted when she saw her on the pathways of the palace gardens.

✿❀❁❀✿

Yerenica slammed the door behind her and collapsed on it, falling to the floor and ignoring the knocking of Marianne who pleaded for her to open the door. After more insistent knockings, Yerenica groaned and clutched her head. “Please, Marianne, I’m fine. I just want to be alone.”

“Princess…”

“Marianne, please.” Yerenica said, tears streaming down her cheeks as she bore the pain in her chest, her body still trembling from the events of the day. “I want to be alone.”

When she didn’t hear any more noise from the outside, she started coughing and coughing.

“Heuk…” _why does it hurt so much? Is this related to the maladjustment?_ She sighed and rested the back of her head against the door. _I feel so tired._

With the encounter of Lady Elard and with the words that the elegant lady has spouted, Yerenica had suspicions that her nightmares had something to do with the dark-magic using lady. She groaned and covered her face with her hands.

_Great, Yerenica. Now what?_

She didn’t know how long she mourned over her situation. It’s not like she couldn’t sleep. What help would that give to her declining health already. Yerenica only noticed it was night when she heard knocking again.

“Princess?” It was Marianne. “It’s time for dinner.”

“…” Yerenica lifted her face from her arms and sighed at the dark sky outside. “I’m fine. I’m not hungry.”

“But, Princess-“

“I just want to sleep.” Yerenica stood and was headed to the bed when she heard her handmaiden speak again.

“T-Then let me assist you in changing. Please?”

Yerenica turned to the door. _She wants to check up on me._ She sighed and gave her consent, choosing not to notice the relieved sigh coming from the maid as the older woman opened the doors and assisted her in changing into a night gown.

Once Marianne had left her all alone, standing in the middle of her dark bedroom, Yerenica stared at her bed.

 _I don’t want to sleep._ She told herself but she could feel the drowsy feeling of slumber trying to overtake her. _Please, I don’t want to fall asleep._

But her body moved still. And soon, Yerenica found herself underneath the blankets and her head on the soft pillows.

 _No, no, no._ She tried and resisted but her eyes and closed.

She had lost another battle again. Why? Just why does she keep… losing…

**Darkness**

✿❀❁❀✿

Yerenica trembled under the gaze of her unloving relatives who chose to abandon her.

“I can’t have her.”

“What a burden.”

“She’ll be fine by her own.”

“She’s old enough anyway.”

Yerenica trembled under the voice of her mother, calling and beckoning for her to join her.

“Come, Eun-seo. It’s so relaxing here. There’s no trouble and no worries. Join me, baby.”

 _No, no, no, no, no._ She cried and cried but no one reached out for her, no one was there for her.

Silve hair and red-violet eyes.

 _My one and only lifeline._ She reached out for that hand, that hand which she wanted to hold for a long time.

**_Turned his back on her, rejecting her with a smile on his face._ **

**_“I don’t love you, Princess.”_ **

Yerenica could feel her heart breaking apart. The pain was ringing in her ear. It was too much to bear.

Erudian kept walking, kept walking away from her. And every step the silver-haired man took was like a knife stabbing her to his and her demise. Yerenica ran to him, tears streaming down her face as she tried to reach for her lifeline, for him. _Please_ , she cries, _Please! Don't go!_ But he turned and kept walking away from her.

It was getting hard to breathe. Her tears continued to stream down her eyes. The agony she had to go for the love she had for this man.

 _Love?_ She queried. _Is that what this is?_

✿❀❁❀✿

**_“Cough!”_ **

**Splat. Splat. Splat.**

She opened her eyes and screamed at the sight before her.

Pink hair, white skin, and white clothes. **_A dead body on her bed._**

[A-Ah, what is this? What is this?!] she cried, crawling away from the body until she realized what it was.

It was her body. Her body without a soul. The soul…

 _Wh-What?_ She stared in fear in confusion on the figure on the bed. She then looked down at her hands and screamed. She was transparent. Her entire body was transparent.

**[Hey! What are you doing?!]**

Yerenica clutched her head in her hands. _No, no, no._ She cried, her transparent tears disappear once it left her cheeks, gone before it ever touches the carpeted floor of her bedroom. _Heuk… What is this? I’m scared. Father! Marianne! Diego! Someone!_

**[Get back in there now! _NOW!_ ]**

[What? What?] she looked up to the ceiling of her room. [What?] she looked at the gruesome figure on the bed. [Hnng… H-How do I do that then?!]

**[Just touch it. Hurry before that body dies!]**

Yerenica rose on trembling legs but she faltered and feel to the floor. She yelped in pain but was determined to go back to her body. She crawled to the edge of the bed and reached out, her transparent hands meeting the cold ones and immediately, darkness ensued.

Only for her to reawaken immediately with a gasp and several coughing. “Ahck…” she held her aching throat. Her chest felt tight and she had another episode of difficult breathing. “Thanks for the help.” She said to the god. Now she just needed to get out of here.

She stood from her bed in wobbly legs and reached for the door, staggering all the way with bouts of coughing. It’s a miracle no one has woken from the sounds.

**[And where are you going?]**

_Anywhere is better than here!_ She dashed out of her room, suddenly having the energy after thinking of running away from here. From the pain.

_Just get out! Just leave from here!_

There were multiple times she stumbled, many times she collapsed on the floor. She also nearly tripped down the stairs if it weren’t for her hands that quickly grabbed unto the railing. And when she thought that outside the palace she would heave a sigh of relief, she saw darkness and it made her quiver in terror.

Yerenica screamed and ran, and ran, and ran. She tried to gather her surroundings but although the sun was near in the horizon, the sky turning from black to dark blue, she didn’t know where to go. She didn’t know who to turn to.

“Ah!” she tripped and fell to the pavement, her knees scraping and she hissed at the stinging sensation. “Urgh!”

More tears escaped from her eyes and she wanted to scream at how weak and pathetic she was. No matter how far she would run, she would never be able to escape the torment and pain she was feeling inside these walls. She was trapped here. Trapped in her five-hundred allocated zone.

Yerenica sat up and cradled her wounded knee which bore much of the damage. She hissed when she touched it and yelped in pain when she felt another stinging sensation in her feet. Yerenica groaned when she saw the reason.

Her soles were bleeding.

She had rushed out of the palace without some slippers and in her adrenaline rush, she didn’t feel any pain from them until she stopped.

 _What now?_ She shook in her lonesome feeling. _What now? What do I do?_

Her body trembled with pain from mana exposure outside of the palace. There was something in the gardens. Something awful and Yerenica felt like she wanted to scream more and more.

_When will this suffering end?_

Clang.

Yerenica halted from her spot in the middle of the pathway of Bellyugung and the gardens.

Clang. Clang.

 _What? W-What?_ She looked around her lighter surroundings. Dawn was finally breaking and orange-yellow light engulfed the Imperial Palace.

Sunrise.

Yerenica paused and realized something important.

_Sunrise…. What happens at sunrise? What was it? What was it?_

Training. Erudian would practice at the training grounds every sunrise without fail.

_Erudian…_

“Cough!” Yerenica covered her mouth. At the back of her throat, she could taste the familiar metallic flavour of blood and she held her neck. _I need him. I need to go to him._

Yerenica whimpered when she stood, her blood staining the yellow-white stones of the garden pathways. Every step felt like she was walking on glass but she continued on, walking and walking until she could finally see the structures of the training grounds and in the middle of the empty field was a silver-haired man wearing a loose shirt with a sword in hand.

The sun could be seen now.

Sapphires meeting rubies.

_I love him._

And the dam broke within her as she tried to reach for him, her lifeline, her saviour, her Erudian. Yerenica cried as she tried to continue walking to the man, her hands trying to get to him.

“Your…” she sobbed, “Majesty… Heu…”

“Princess!” a shout came from him and Yerenica’s heart lurched in pain because of it.

“Ahck!” a hand went to her heart and she coughed up.

“Princess, what…” hands held her arms and she looked up. Yerenica wanted to see that handsome face, that face she had longed to see for days but all she saw was silver-hair and ruby eyes.

Like the nightmare.

“No…” she sniffed and held unto him. “No…”

“Princess?”

She felt the cool and familiar sensation of divinity wrapping her body. Yerenica felt relief and comfort but it wasn’t enough still. She wanted more from this man.

“ _Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough!_ ”

“Princess!”

She continued on coughing. The experience was nothing small from a torture as she could taste blood at the end of her throat. Erudian kept holding her, rubbing her bag and shouting but she could barely even hear him as she continued on and on, coughing and coughing.

“It’s the dream— _cough--_ The-- _cough—_ dream— _cough, cough._ It’s the same— _cough, cough, cough._ ”

“The dream?” his confused voice asked but she didn’t answer, realizing she could not just tell him outright that she came all the way here running, bloodied and all because of some dream. Or rather, a nightmare.

She reached up one bloodied hand; blood from touching her wounds. Yerenica could barely notice the flinch coming from the emperor upon the sticky sensation as she continued to look into those eyes.

 _Red-violet_. _What can you even compare these eyes to other than rubies?_

“Bellyugung… Palace was strange.” She croaked out, her throat hurting and sore.

Erudian’s body hardened at her words and his eyes shone. Rubies mixing with fire from the sun.

“Princess, what are you saying?”

She couldn’t respond as she continued coughing, she lowered her head to avoid coughing directly on him but the emperor refused to relinquish his grip on her.

 _Please, let go for a moment._ She coughed on her hand. _It hurts even more when I’m with you._

Yerenica wanted to just close her eyes and pass out. The pain in her core was unbearable. She had thought it would disappear with her being in the presence of Erudian but nothing worked, nothing.

“Princess, wait a minute.”

“I— _cough_ —can’t.” she sobbed. She clutched tighter on his arms. “Please, please--- _cough—_ don’t leave­­— _cough_ —take it away.”

“Show me your face, please. Just for one second. Just one second.” There was a plead in his voice, something she had never heard of before but she didn’t want to look up. Her head rested on his chest as she continued letting out more and more hacking.

She felt like choking, like she was suffocating, like she was---

“Yerenica.”

Her mind and heart stopped and she looked up at him with wide eyes. Yerenica could barely breathe even though her coughing had stopped with her name coming out of his lips.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

She felt something in her heart… something strange. Was this the love she felt? She wanted to cry at the odd sensation. Yerenica could almost feel the burden of her being slightly elevated. She could see herself in his eyes, those red-violet eyes that couldn’t compare with anything. In the sunlight, the silver strands of his hair was almost golden.

Despite the glorious sight before her, the tears still continued to cascade down her face. Yerenica felt his hands moving from her arms to her cheeks as he washed those tears away. There was another itchy sensation in her throat but it kept on stalling, as if it was allowing her to have a moment with this man.

Divinity rushed through her veins from his hands. In the sunlight, she could now see the tainted cheek of Erudian from her hands, tainted from the blood and she whimpered at the sight of it.

“Ah, what is this?” he grumbled before her and the view changed.

Erudian had carried her in his arms. A bridal position but Yerenica was too weak to wrap her arms around his neck to support him.

“Your Majesty…” she called out, worn out from everything and she could feel her conscience leaving her.

“Yes?”

Sapphire meeting rubies.

How those beautiful red eyes had cursed her to a circumstance filled with torment without realizing. Those red eyes that had stared at her blankly and even laughed at her when she had offered every single part of her being to him.

Should she feel sorrow or elation with how things are?

“Strange…”

_The magic. The Palace. The feeling._

_Everything is strange._

“Yereni---“

But she didn’t hear him finish calling her by her name. Once again she lost to her battle with the darkness conquering her.

✿❀❁❀✿

Sapphire meeting rubies. Blue against red.

This was the last thing she saw and now the first. Those eyes which looked tired and powerless. Yerenica stared at those eyes which had her figure reflected. Those eyes that she sees every night. Those eyes she wanted to see for the rest of her life.

Those eyes of Erudian Lu Soledo Belgoat that she loved.

“You look… tired.” Her raspy voice was heard in the room and the emperor let out an audible sigh.

“I should be saying that to you, Princess.”

 _Princess._ She thought. _Not Yerenica._

“Do you want something to eat?”

“Eat?” she echoed, confused. Blinking her eyes, she took in her surroundings.

A spacious room with the colours of the Imperial Family, the colour which was the same hue as the eyes she had woken up to, eyes that continued to remain on her.

“Where-?”

“My bedroom, specifically my bed.” The emperor smiled at her in a rueful manner.

 _That smile…_ Yerenica thought weakly before she started coughing. She clutched her throat as she heard movements beside her. When the coughing subsided, a glass of water was being offered to her by Erudian and she stared at it.

“Your maid tells me you have had a lot of coughing lately. I summoned the doctor to check on you while you were sleeping. I hope you don’t mind.”

“… No, not at all.” She said softly as she took the glass from his hand and took a small sip. “What… What am I doing here?”

“You came running to me at dawn two days ago.” Erudian tells her with a soothing voice, hand reaching up to move away some loose strands in her face.

 _Two days?_ Yerenica tried to sit up. _I’ve been out for two days?_

Erudian’s eyes followed her every movement. “What are you doing?”

Yerenica sat on the bed, her legs hanging as she looked back on those red eyes. Those red eyes which made her feel like she could stare at them forever. “Going back?”

A brow was raised towards her direction. “Back where.”

“Where--…”

 _Where indeed?_ Yerenica bit her lower lip. _I_ t was clear to her last night… two days ago that there was some sort of spell in the Bellyugung Palace. The screams of the people she knew haunted her still.

And a back turning away from her as she begged for him to stay.

Yerenica started coughing on the edge of the bed. Erudian stood from his chair beside her bed and pushed her back down gently, raising the blankets to her shoulders. Yerenica cleared her throat once it was over and heaved a sigh.

“You can’t go back to Bellyugung Palace. Not anymore.” The emperor tells her firmly. “There will be no more thoughts of you going back there.”

 _So, I’m stuck here with you?_ She was uncomfortable with the pleased twinge in her chest.

“The palace isn’t safe for you anymore and I need to make sure the other grounds are safe. You can’t go out for now, Princess. Especially in this condition.”

 _So, this time, I really am like a prisoner._ Yerenica sighed. _Well, at least a prisoner in luxury._

Erudian must have seen the upset look on her face since he rushed to speak. “I know it’s stuffy but please, bear with it for now. I do not wish to see you in that state again.”

“…” Yerenica didn’t look up at him and instead just stared at her fingers as she continued to lay down on the emperor’s bed.

Belgoat’s owner let out a breath. “I will summon the doctor once more. He detected nothing wrong from you other than weakness and your mana maladjustment. Also, the lack of good sleep apparently.” Erudian stood and made his way to the door. He paused and sent her a smile which caused her throat to itch.

“I’ll be back later. Please stay here for now.”

With that, the door closed and Yerenica was left in the bedroom all alone.

Suddenly, there was a choking feeling in her and she sat back up. Yerenica hacks roughly, trying to remove the pain in her throat and chest. Her hands pounding and punching her chest area to help alleviate the coughing.

Finally, she feels something leave and for a moment, there was relief in her bones as something soft and wet falls from her lips. Yerenica gasps for some air, trying to clear more of the confusion in her mind and the pain from her lungs and throat.

After a few moments more of massaging her neck and throat, as well as the space between her breasts, Yerenica opens her eyes and looks down when she felt something moist on the sheets.

Petals and blood.

Pink and light, wrapped around themselves like some sort of wet napkin.

Yerenica felt her entire body tremble at the same time it went cold.

_No… No way… N-no. Not like this. It can’t be. There… There wasn’t something like this in the book!_

Yerenica covered her mouth as another wave of coughs pushed its way through her bloody lips. She was crying at the pain and she looked down at her bloodied hands to find petals and some small buds of pink roses.

“P-Princess! Oh, my gods…”

Yerenica looked up to see the Imperial Doctor and her handmaiden, Marianne. She looked down at her hands, her trembling hands and cleared her throat.

“Marianne,” her scratchy voice let out, “I think we should replace the Emperor’s bedsheets.”

“B-But Princess—“

“Also,” she raised her eyes to the two standing by at the closed door. “Not a word to the Emperor.”

✿❀❁❀✿

Hanahaki Disease.

A fictional disease when someone you love doesn’t love you back and flowers starts growing in your lungs, rendering you breathless and coughing up blood and petals. And eventually they will bloom in your lungs, and stop your breathing causing your death.

But apparently, the disease was real here in this world. And many has fallen to its deadly claws.

Yerenica wanted to cry.

_Was I meant to die in the first place after all?_

**[It’s not rare, and you’re not the very first.]**

“…” she stared at the new sheets covering her lower body. “… I love him.”

**[… Yes, you do.]**

“What… a strange wake-up call.” She laughed sardonically. “I realized my love for him would kill me.” she closed her eyes and rested her back on the mountains of pillows behind her. “It didn’t exist in my world, you know?”

_It was just a work of fiction. But now I am living in the fiction._

**[There is a way.]** the godly voice came out. **[Two ways actually.]**

Yerenica continued to close her eyes and rest her back as she spoke, listening intently to the god. “What are my options?”

 **[There is… a mana ritual.]** Yerenica huffed. **[It will remove your love for this person.]**

Yerenica shook her head. “Even if I go through it, there’s no guarantee I will make it out alive.” She sighed. “What’s the other one?”

**[This time, perhaps with the help of my child or my priests.]**

Blue eyes opened and she stared at the finely decorated ceiling above her. “Divinity then? I’m sure that’s better.”

**[… You won’t ever remember him.]**

Her entire body stiffened. “Say that again.”

**[The Divinity Ritual in removing Hanahaki removes everything about that person. Absolute cleansing. You won’t remember the person you loved, you won’t even see him. You walk pass him but to your eyes and body, he isn’t there.]**

_A complete erasure._ Yerenica twisted in the bed, sheets tangled now with her movement.

She had the assurance of the Imperial Doctor and Marianne that they wouldn’t breathe a word of it to Erudian. But the two kept persuading her to do so, Marianne even begged her again and again to do so.

“You need to tell him, Princess. You can’t hide this forever.”

“I know.” She whispered, snuggling closer to the pillows and closed her eyes at the scent of him. “I know.”

She coughed up blood on the satin white pillows, and the scent of him was gone replaced by metallic blood and roses.

Pink roses. Gratitude and love.

_I know._

✿❀❁❀✿

Yerenica stared out her window, dishevelled and alone. Her blue eyes followed the silver-haired emperor dressed in black coat walking towards the Bellyugung Palace with Perrik and more guards behind him.

She exhales shakily, her cold hands fiddling with each other as she continued to eye him, never straying her gaze from the man she recognized that she loved. She wanted to cry some more but her eyes were drained and swollen. She has had enough nights sobbing, crying in pain, and now, throwing up her love and affection for the emperor of Belgoat who will never reciprocate her feelings.

A cough and she raises an icy hand to cover her mouth. A petal and few drops of blood.

“Mmm.” She pressed the bloody hand to her dress, the petal sticking with the help of the sticky substance.

It hurt deeply whenever she breathed after coughing. She would feel a flutter in the back of her throat and the red reminded him of not only blood, but eyes.

 **[What do you plan to do?]** the god, the sad and cruel god asks her.

Tired eyes went back outside the window but he was gone.

Like a dream.

“Nothing.” She whispered. “Absolutely nothing.”

**[Nothing means death.]**

“…” she smiled. “I was meant to die anyway.”

Blue eyes stared at the blue sky. Blues filled with white.

✿❀❁❀✿

She never saw Erudian after that. Not that he didn’t try to visit. She didn’t want to see him.

Yerenica asked for Marianne and the doctor to tell Erudian that she was exhausted and she was, she truly was. She could feel him spreading his divinity, making it reach her room. And everytime she did feel it, she would feel her heart blossom, **and her lung would blossom as well.**

She would cough up more during his attempts to give her his divinity. It helped with her mana maladjustment, but it worsened her Hanahaki.

She’s been inside the room for three days now, too weak to even stand. Marianne begged and begged but she would refuse. _Why bother? What’s he going to do? Force himself to love me? Will he even do that for me?_

Yerenica twisted in her sheets and coughed at the already stained pillow. Marianne changed the sheets hourly or daily depending on the coverage of the blood. Yerenica wondered what she did with the bloodied sheets. If someone had seen them, they would have raised some concerns and Erudian would have went to her despite her not wanting to see him.

 _Did she burn them? Did she launder them herself?_ She smiled at the maid who smiled in concern in return, sitting by the chair in the fireplace and tried to make the room warmer for her cold mistress. _Ah, Marianne, you deserve a better master than me._

She coughed. None this time.

Marianne’s eyes were trained on her hand as well and Yerenica shook her head. She knew that Marianne doesn’t get it but she was trying to understand. There was a burst of gratitude within her.

Gratitude… She wanted to show her gratitude.

“Marianne?”

“Princess?” the brunette stood, ready to do whatever is asked of her.

“Can you prepare some stationary for me?”

“Princess?” this time, a voice of confusion.

“I wish to write some letters.”

✿❀❁❀✿

The sun was setting when Marianne assisted her in putting away her unfinished letters. The Lebovnyan maid helped Yerenica in standing and walking her to the small table by the window where her small dinner was. Marianne had learnt by now that she can’t take big meals, not ever since she learnt about the illness, the other illness that is.

Her dinners for the past two nights, and this one as well, had been quiet. It had a weight there and an air filled with exhaustion and resignation hanging around the two women.

Yerenica stared at her food blankly, shoving and moving the contents of her plate. She wasn’t hungry and she can’t focus on anything but the image of the man holding her in the sunrise. It would have been romantic if it weren’t for the fact that he had no such feelings for her.

The image, the thought made her hands tremble and her throat close up, a rising feeling from her lungs came.

She coughed into her table napkin, and it felt like her lungs were on fire. Marianne rubbed her back soothingly.

“Please, have some water and eat, Your Highness.”

Yerenica did the first but not the latter. Her eyes drawn to the red spots on white in the napkin on her lap. Red spots on white. Red eyes and white hair. Yerenica closed her eyes and coughed into her hand instead, the familiar thick fluids forming a river of red from her hands to her arms and elbow, eventually dripping down to the napkin and she whimpered.

“I’m…” she felt a sob coming up and she sniffed. “I’m not hungry.”

Marianne waited for her to finish her pitiful party before letting her go back to bed with fresh night clothes. The brunette placed some hot coals from the fireplace into the bed warmer and put it underneath her covers by the edge of the bed. They were silent.

“Can…” Yerenica looked up at her maid who she didn’t realize was crying silently. Her next words were filled and blurred by her tears. “Can I sit with you, Princess?”

_She doesn’t want me to be alone._

Yerenica, despite her swollen eyes, cried for her maid.

“Of course.”

 **[We’re here for you, Crumbs.]** the god whispered to her as the maid sat on the bed and held her hands, both of them crying. Yerenica could feel some divinity in her back, comforting her. **[We’re right here for you.]**

✿❀❁❀✿

It was inevitable that Erudian would visit without warning and Yerenica did prepare for the day it came.

She thought and thought of him, forcing herself to cough and each time a fluttering feeling in her throat would come, she would force it down. It was difficult in the beginning, but now it worked and it was effective.

It has been a week now since she had woken in Erudian’s room and was transferred to her own right beside his. Yerenica, before sleeping, would often hear his heavy steps through the glass doors of her balcony and his.

Erudian often came late, during the hours nearing midnight. There was even a time she didn’t hear anything. _Did he stay in his study for the night then?_

“How are you, Princess?” he asked, staring at her with his red eyes.

Yerenica sipped on her tea before responding. “Fine, Your Majesty. Thank you for asking.”.

“…”

Silence engulfed in the room and what used to be an atmosphere of warmth was now replaced with nothing but ice. A sigh came from the emperor and she glanced at the man.

“I’m sorry I could not visit you earlier. I was busy and your maid has told me that you weren’t feeling well.”

“I was, but now I’m fine.”

_Lies._

“Are you?”

“Pardon?”

“Are you really?” Erudian frowned, his hands reaching forward to place a hand on her cheek. “Why is that when I turn, you seem to be more paler than the last time.” His brows twitched. “And colder as well.”

 _A flutter._ Yerenica cleared her throat. _Not now._ _Please, not now._

Yerenica held his hand gently and took it off her face. “It’s just the lack of sun. I will be walking the gardens soon when I am stronger.”

And they stayed like that for a minute. Her blue eyes meeting his red ones, her hands holding his and Yerenica savoured every moment of it as she hoped, as she dreamt, as she longed for a life like that. Where he would come to her and just hold her in his arms, where he would be engulfed in his welcoming embrace.

“Can you call me by my name?” she blurted out.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She looked away when she saw the confused and startled look from him

Yerenica cleared her throat once more and let go of his hand. She could feel the flames in her chest threatening to come out. She had trained for his presence, not for his touch.

“I beg your pardon, Your Majesty.” She smiled at him. “Maybe I should go on that walk right now.”

“Alright.” The man stood and Yerenica was relieved before he offered his hand. “Shall we?”

Her blue eyes stared at his tanned and calloused hand from all his trainings. Those hands that were her salvation.

“Princess?”

“I-I--.”

A knock and their attention went to the closed door, and Yerenica thanked the heavens when she heard Marianne’s voice. “Your Highness? I beg your pardon but the doctor is here to check on you.”

“Come in.” Yerenica said in a rush, momentarily forgetting the offered hand as she stood by herself. Her eyes were trained on the opening doors, ignoring the looks the emperor was giving her.

The elderly doctor and the young maid halted in their movements upon seeing the Emperor of Belgoat with her. They rushed in bowing and offering their respects. All the while, their eyes would go to Yerenica, hope-filled and crushed when she subtly shook her head.

“… I see you will be unable to have a walk with the doctor here.”

“Yes.”

“Perhaps later?” the emperor asked, a small side smile for her and Yerenica could now feel the petals in her throat.

“Hmmm.” She smiled brightly and nodded. Erudian, satisfied, left the room with a bow of acknowledgement to the still bowing maid and doctor. When the door was closed and few seconds passed, Yerenica bowled over and coughed on the floor, letting out all the supressed petals.

“Ah! Ahck—“.

“Princess!” Marianne rushed to her side when she saw Yerenica having difficulty in letting them all out.

Yerenica cried and cried, coughing all the petals and blood out while Marianne tore her clothes to reach the ties of her corset and the doctor patting on her chest, trying to let the contained petals bursting to come out.

She looked down at the floor, her white lips dripping with blood and eyes still pouring waters…

_Buds… Flower buds…_

“P-Princess…” Marianne collapsed beside the princess sitting on the floor as the three looked on the chaotic mess of a blood and pink rose buds. No wonder it was difficult this time. The flowers were growing.

“Princess,” the doctor called out with a grim voice and pleading eyes, “You’re entering the fourth stage of Hanahaki.”

✿❀❁❀✿

Of course, she didn’t go out for a walk. She can barely even reach the chair across the room let alone walk around meters and meters underneath the sun.

 _The warmth must be nice though._ Yerenica reached her hand out, her skin, lighter than usual yet not that sickly pale.

The sunlight from the window felt so nice, something that the bed warmer and the heat from the fireplace could not give. She let out a yearning sigh as she open and closes her hands.

_Yeah, it is nice._

She drew her hand back and looked down at that pale hand. A hand which missed the comfort of another. Yerenica closed her eyes as well as that hand, this useless hand.

**[He’s worried about you.]**

Her heart lurched and she scowled in anger, grip on her skirts tightening. “Don’t.” she grit her teeth as her body started to shake. “Please, don’t.”

It has been three days since she has seen him last and in those three days, his divinity was ever constant and she couldn’t help but cough out flowers every time that he did so.

Yerenica was growing sick of her room, not being able to go out with her weak condition. The doctor has warned her of this critical stage. The fourth stage. Flower buds and petals. More of them now.

The first stage was her light coughing. The second one was the constant coughing. The third was the blood and petals. And now the fourth. And then… the last stage.

Full flowers.

Yerenica placed a hand on her chest and breathed in and out.

 _Right._ Her eyes went to the letters in front of her. _Best finish this then._

It doesn’t matter what happens to her. As far as she knows, she has done enough that Erudian will never marry Soleia Elard. The man now distrusted her with the witch’s stunt with the Bellyugung Palace.

 _Maybe…_ she tapped on the empty paper. _Maybe…_

✿❀❁❀✿

“… The Hallway?”

“The Doctor has asked me to accompany you in the activity, Princess!” Marianne beamed at her, looking at her with her brown eyes at the mirror as she fixed Yerenica’s hair. “It’ll be good for you as well, Your Highness.”

 _She’s trying._ Yerenica smiled at the older maid.

Marianne has been doing her utmost best to comfort her. And helped her deal with other maids or servants who came inside to do their duties. It turned out that Marianne was laundering the sheets by herself and now that Yerenica knew, she noticed the light swelling of the maid’s eyes.

 _I’ve caused her so much trouble._ Her blue eyes went to the closed doors. _And all she asks for is a walk._

“Okay.” She whispered.

The brush combing her hair paused as the maid looked at her. “Okay?”

“Okay.” She smiled. “I’ll go on a walk with you. Even if it’s just the hallway.”

Marianne let out a relieved gasp and nodded, hands clasped in front of each other and light moisture in her eyes. “Y-Yes, Your Highness! I-It might be boring but I-I’ll do my best.”

Yerenica turned and placed a hand on her closed ones. “Marianne, you don’t need to force yourself, really. It’s just a walk in the hallway.”

Yerenica smiled once more and nodded.

**[Some walk would be good, Crumbs.]**

_Yes._ Yerenica stood with the help of Marriane again. Her sided and curled hair on her shoulder. Her eyes went to the clock. Erudian was busy around this time.

_A quiet walk in the hallway would be nice._

It was anything but a quiet walk the moment Marianne opened the door with one hand, her left arm being held by Yerenica for supporting. Yerenica blinked at what awaited outside the doors which had kept her for nearly two weeks.

There was a train of handmaidens and two guards.

“What…”

“Ah,” Marianne said sheepishly and Yerenica glanced at her companion. “His Majesty has assigned some ladies-in-waiting for you, Princess. Since you mentioned about having only me inside the room, they have been waiting for you here outside.”

Erudian. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“And the guards?”

“Ah…”

“I see.” Yerenica sighed and offered the five ladies and two men an apologetic smile. “Forgive me. Your presence has only been made knowledgeable to me right now. I do hope you are not offended. I just… don’t like being in the company of many people.”

“Of course, Your Highness.” The five ladies and two guards bowed.

“Marianne and I will be walking around the hallways of the third floor, do you wish to join us?”

 _As if they have a choice._ Yerenica huffed to herself. _Erudian must have told them to follow me._

And so Yerenica led a parade of women and men around the hallways, drawing attention from passing noblemen and other civil servants and palace workers. She looked down, not wishing to meet any of their eyes and gripped Marianne’s arm tightly.

She could hear the whispers and it only made her want to turn back and hide once more.

“Princess.”

Yerenica halted and turned her head left upon hearing her title. And there he was.

The Emperor of Belgoat—no, Erudian.

Erudian. The man she loves.

Her entire body was light and heavy as she watched the man climb up the stairs with that smile, that damned smile on his face.

It wasn’t the smile that was the sun. No, this smile was the moon. Calm and quiet yet there, looking and giving you a light that was restrained and soft.

 _Flutter. Itch. Flames._ Yerenica whimpered and she wanted to step back yet at the same time, wanted to run to him.

Movement at the corner of her eyes caught her attention. The servants were bowing and even Marianne, who was still being held by Yerenica, lowered her head. Yerenica snapped out of her small daze and lowered herself.

“Y-Your Majesty.” She said quietly, eyes on the leather boots that stopped before her.

Yerenica hears a light chuckle. “When have you started bowing to me? There’s no need for that, Princess.”

Hands, warm and gentle hands of divinity held her shoulders and Yerenica’s body was lifted, her grip on Marianne lessening as all her attention, all her being was focused entirely on the man in front of her who gave her a smile.

A smile only for her.

“You must be doing well to be able to walk out of your room.” He said and a hand came to push some strands on her hair, the back of it caressing her cheek. “You’re still pale but better.”

Red met blue. The red curved and the blue widened.

“It’s been a few days since I last saw your face.” He tilted his head, that damned yet divine smile ever present on his face when he spoke to her. “It’s good seeing you again, Princess.”

Here he was, right in front of her. And it was sudden. Too sudden. Especially the touch he placed on her skin. She thought she had prepared. Obviously, she wasn’t.

There was silence. And then there was a cough. It was small and she covered her mouth immediately and looked away. Her body shook and she could feel Marianne’s hand on her back, patting her while the emperor continued to hold her shoulder, the other one on her wrist.

“Princess?”

Yerenica was about to answer when her chest seizes and the all-too-familiar pain, the closure of her throat, the breathlessness—she felt it, a bud.

Yerenica pushed Erudian away suddenly, covering her mouth and dashing back to her room. There was a burst of energy within her and she used it to run away from him.

She saw Erudian stumble back before catching himself and all she heard then was her name being called and the sound of footsteps running after her. Yerenica’s throat constricted and the confused and worried calls from Erudian, Marianne, and others were too much for her.

She pushes into her room and sealed the doors behind her, coughing openly into the air and letting the blood and petals splatter into the floor and her dress, on the door and her hands as she locked the door and pressed her hands against him despite it being sealed from the outside.

“Yerenica!” she jumped at that and looked at the wooden doors separating her from him. From Erudian. “Yerenica, please open the door. What’s wrong? What happened?”

 _My name._ She smiled, tears from the pain turning into joy at the mention of her name. _He called me by my name._

It wasn’t… her true name, of course. But still. Her eyes faltered when she noticed the state of herself.

Yerenica looked at her bloodied clothes and winced. But her world, time, and just everything stopped when she saw what was on her feet.

Buds and petals. More than ever. Flowers.

Flowers of her love.

Yerenica cried and sobbed and it might have spurned Erudian to banging on the door and shouting her name. Marianne beside him.

“Princess, Yerenica, please, open the doors.” Erudian said with such a pleading voice that Yerenica’s heart constricted and she felt like choking.

“Urk—“ she held her throat and struggled to breathe, her knees collapsing to the floor and she bent over. “Uwook—“

**[Crumbs! Crumbs, hey!]**

“ _PrincesS? PRINCESS?_ ” Marianne screamed at the sound as Yerenica pounded and pounded on her chest, opened her mouth to insert her fingers and try to clear the passage. “ _Princess, please open the door!_ Oh, someone! Someone get the keys!”

**“Yerenica.”**

Divinity flowed through the doors and embraced her.

**“Yerenica, please.”**

She continued to push her fingers in, and finally a bud came free. Yerenica gasped out in relief and stared at the bud in her hand. She looked at the other buds on the floor. The one she was holding was bigger and it looked… it looked like it was blossoming.

_I don’t have much—_

**“Yerenica.”**

Tightened hands gripped on the bloodied pink rose bud. Shuddering breaths and sniffing was the only sound in the room. The banging stopped and it was quiet.

“I thought you wanted me to call you by your name?”

“…” Yerenica could feel her drooping eyes going to the door once more. She stared at it with tired eyes.

“Yerenica?”

**[Come on, answer him.]**

The divinity swooped her hair and passed her back and hair. It was as if they were hands trying to comfort and ease her and she closed her eyes, spluttering out blood and petals. She stared dispassionately at the sight of her now bloodied front.

“… Please leave me alone.” She sobbed and pressed her red hands to her face and cried. “Please.”

“Yereni-“

“I want to be alone. Please?” she croaked at the end and it must have worked since Yerenica heard a sigh.

“Very well. But I will remain in my room and the doctor will come. Understand?”

Her lips twitched upwards. “Yes.”

Once the chaos abated, she opened the door lightly, her eyes the only thing that could be seen outside. Marianne was there with a tearful look and she gasped in relief when she saw her.

“Prince--“

“Shh!” she raised a bloody hand and Marianne’s eyes widened at the sight.

Her maid’s eyes went cautiously to the door beside hers and Yerenica briefly wondered if Erudian was there with the door opened, waiting for him but nothing happened and her loyal maid rushed to her room, locking it behind them.

Marianne let out a horrified sound at the sight that welcomed her inside the room. “Raulus, Princess—“

“Yes, I know.” Yerenica smiled at her maid. “Please help me in changing and afterwards, can you summon the doctor and Deigo for me?”

✿❀❁❀✿

“You… wish to go to the Temple, Princess?” an incredulous Diego asks her.

Yerenica hummed as she tied the letters in a bundle with ribbons. She stroked the paper texture as she looked outside her window. The sun was shining on her face this time and she closed her eyes whilst replying to a man who she considered one of her friends.

“Yes, I hope to ask the Emperor permission soon.”

“I-I’m sure His Majesty would be very accommodating but uh, Princess, are you sure? The Temple will do its best to offer you the comforts you have received in the palace but I-I cannot promise you—“

“No, it’s fine.” She smiled at the priest of Raulus. “I’m… not there for a vacation or something like that.”

“Oh.” The priest blinked his aureate eyes at her. “Why then?”

_To get away._

Yerenica held her throat and looked down. “I…” she tightened her hold on her neck. Not enough to choke herself, but enough to feel some pain, to steady herself. “I need to.”

“… I see.” The priest said. “I’ll do my best to speak with His Majesty then.”

Yerenica sent a reassuring smile to her friend.

“Thank you, Diego.”

_And I hope you can forgive me._

There would be no question, if she goes to temple, on who will find her when the time comes. Yerenica can only hope that the man would forgive her for placing such a burden on his shoulders when he has been nothing but kind to her.

But Yerenica had underestimated the timing.

Marianne found her an hour later, vomiting and coughing out blood, pink petals, and bigger flower buds.

✿❀❁❀✿

Sleep didn’t come to Yerenica despite her exhaustion from the day of doing nothing but let out more flowers and blood. Raulus was with her, speaking to her even if she didn’t bother to talk back. She didn’t just have the energy in her bones. And her throat hurt as if she had swallowed fire.

Yerenica coughed and wheezed, nothing was coming out.

_Soon._

Yerenica huffed out a sad laughter, tears streaming down her already swollen eyes.

_Looks like I’ll be sparing Diego the horror then._

Her eyes went out to the window as she sat on the bed, back supported by dozens of pillows placed by Marianne for her comfort. She leaned back to the headboard to continue at the warm light entering the room, hoping she would be able to touch it.

She could feel divinity coming in and seeping into her room and she closed her eyes.

_Would it be terrible of me to wish he was here with me?_

“Where is he?” she asked quietly, her right hand holding her left, the hand which he held during their day in the square. She coughed out some small drops of blood and a single petal.

**[… In his study with Schumart.]**

“I see.”

 _He might come and confront me later._ She raised the blankets to her neck, wrapping herself in it. _I wonder what he will say?_

She hissed suddenly at the rawness of the divinity, until it immediately went to soothe her. _Did something happen?_ Yerenica thought and burrowed in her sheets. _Diego must have told him then._

**[… Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to tell him?]**

Yerenica played with some strands of her hair as she lowered herself to the mattress. “What’s the point? Even if he forces himself to say that he loves me, it’s not real.” Her eyes went to the bright sky outside, mocking her.

“I was never meant to play this part anyway.”

In that moment, she thought of her… family. Her small father who cared despite of his greed, his soft-spoken mother who gave the best hugs in the world, her angelic sister who stood by her side all the time and worried for her. Marianne who always supported her in the end, Diego who always kept her company in the days of loneliness. And lastly, she thought of him

_Erudian._

She recalled a line she read from the book back in her world. How could she have forgotten that?

**When I called your name, you came to me like a flower.**

**_Erudian._ **

The tears came more now as she thought of the man who, despite his innocence, caused this pain. Yerenica bit her lower lip as her body shook with the tears.

 _No, this isn’t his fault._ She sobbed, covering her white and bloodied mouth as she could hear Raulus trying to calm and comfort her. _This isn’t his fault, this is mine._

Pink roses. Gratitude and love.

She was thankful for everything that happened. Thankful for meeting him, thankful for his kindness, thankful for his sincerity, thankful for his care, thankful for his offer of safety, thankful for him. Thankful for the love she has. No matter what, she will never regret the love she had grown for the man. For Erudian.

For everything he has done, everything that made her fall for him, everything was beautiful.

Her blue eyes went to the crossed-wolf symbol at the top of her fireplace and smiled. It wasn’t him but still, it was. It was his symbol, it was the Emperor of Belgoat, it was her Erudian.

**[You… You can let go, Crumbs. I’ll take care of you. Go on. Say your goodbyes.]**

She sat up on her bed once more, no support from pillows or from Marianne as she sat. Her blanket fell to her lap as she trembled on, continuing to look at the symbol of the person she loved, seeing the white-hair and red-eyed wolf as the white-hair and red-eyed man who held her hand and smiled at her.

Her lips quivered and wobbled behind her hands as she sobbed and cried at the emperor’s insignia. No, as she cried at Erudian who was looking at her.

“I love you.” She whispered. “I truly do.”

Yerenica cried and went back under the covers when there was no response from the man who continued to look at her at the edge of the bed. She knew it wasn’t him, she knew it was just a fragment of imagination created by her dying mind.

But still, as she closed her eyes, hands clutching the flowers in her bed as she whispered those four precious words.

The flowers of her love.

“I love you, Erudian.”


	2. And I can't breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst Ending

_It hurts._

Erudian breathed out a sigh as he looked away from the wooden door, a pink princess behind it, and made his way to the gardens for some fresh air.

_It really hurts…_

He hissed at the warm temperature and bright light that greeted him outside the doors and rushed to the trees offering some shade. Erudian sighed once more and leant back on his natural umbrella, eyes going to the blue sky.

Before his red-eyes shifted to a bedroom with closed windows, the curtain parted to let some light in. He felt a tug in his heart and shifted his position to continue looking at the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the pink-haired princess.

Divinity flowed freely from his body and to the room, hoping with all his heart that the princess would get better in no time and he would see those bright smiles once more and hold the delicate and warm hand in his. He let out a breath and sagged against the wood behind him, eyes never straying from two large set of windows beside his own two of his bedroom.

It has been days since he had seen her last and the latest news he has of her was of her request to go to the temple with Schumart.

He wasn’t ignorant or oblivious. Erudian knew that the princess was avoiding him but for what reason? _Where has the princess who would try to draw my attention gone?_ And worse, every time he would turn, it was as if she would be paler and sicker than ever.

Negotiations of the Tripartite was nearing and there was an irrational fear inside him of never seeing her again. The past months, although strange, was a wonder to his life and the presence of the princess made everything brighter in his dull routine-lived life.

Erudian didn’t know how long he stood underneath the shades of the tree and stared at the room where the princess rested. He wondered if she wanted to take another walk. She liked going outside but never did so in the weeks she stayed in the Imperial Palace.

_Was it because of me?_

Guilt and nervousness enveloped him. He had promised to take care of her, promised her safety within his walls and still, ever since she had arrived, there has been nothing but danger in every corner for the Princess.

Eventually, the blue skies turned orange and Erudian cleared his tight throat, knowing he has to go back and finish—

“ _Aaaaaahhhhhhh!_ ”

Erudian looked up back to the window where the scream came from. He felt his breathing leave him as he ran and ran, bumping into servants and nobles who were rushing to the third floor to see what was going on.

His heart dropped when he saw a crowd of maids and ladies-in-waiting weeping and standing in front of Yerenica’s room. Erudian pushed people aside as he made his way to the room.

“Let me through.” He whispered, “I said, _let me through!_ ”

His shouts gained attention and everyone parted and paved way for him. Erudian entered the open room and found Schumart and that maid by the princess bed. Erudian stopped at the sight before him.

Blood. So much blood.

Blood and Flowers.

His body shook with the sight and his entire body was paralyzed, making it impossible for him to look away.

His Yeni, his Yeni of white not pink.

Her pink hair was lifeless and those luscious pink lips were faded and white, red drying at her skin.

Everything pink has turned white.

“No…” he rushed to the bed and held her cheeks, the crying mess of a maid making way for him. “No, no, no. Yerenica?” he called and tried shaking her awake. “Yerenica.” He called out firmer this time.

“Your Majesty—“ he ignored Schumart in favour of trying to rouse his princess awake.

“Enough with your games, Princess, this is not funny anymore!” he roared at the sleeping princess who didn’t move despite his shaking. “Yerenica…” he gasped out, hands going to her shoulders to shake her frail body harder and Erudian sent more and more divinity to the princess, trying to get those lively pink hair and blue eyes again. “Yeni, Yeni, please. See? I called you by your nicknames, so please wake up. Yeni, please.”

Erudian lowered his head to hers and begged and begged, his throat hurting from his coughs and screams but the princess didn’t open her eyes. Erudian cradled her in his arms, begging and pleading until Perrik and Iven came and dragged him away as Schumart and the maid laid a white sheet embroidered with the emperor’s insignia over the dead princess.

✿❀❁❀✿

Hanahaki Disease. It was Hanahaki that took her. That damned sickness of love unreturned.

_Who… Who did you love so much that it killed you, Yerenica?_

His heart felt like it was tearing to pieces. There was a lump in his throat that threatened to burst but he held it down as he stared at the trembling doctor and weeping maid.

It had seemed that Yerenica had the symptoms for weeks now but didn’t know until she arrived in the Imperial Palace where she began to cough up blood and petals all at once. A heart that was hurt and broken for days finally showed itself to its owner.

 _Was it the man in her letters?_ He thought blankly, not really realizing his surroundings. _Was it? Who was the man? Did they love each other? Did the separation cause the Hanahaki? Did I do this to her? Was I—_

“Y-Your Majesty?” the maid spoke, sobbing all the way.

Erudian raised his dulled eyes to her and watched with disinterest as she took out an envelope from her pocket.

“T-The…” she sniffed, “The princess made letters for everyone she knew. A-And I would like to gain your permission to send them?”

Erudian stared at her for a moment before nodding. _She prepared._ His fists clenched and unclenched. _She prepared for her death._

“A-Also, on-one of them, one of them,” the maid stuttered as she stepped forward and placed the lone letter on his desk. “O-One of them is for you.”

Erudian looked up with vigour this time. His eyes went from the maid to the letter at his desk.

“I-I think you should,” she cried this time, “You should know from her, Your Majesty.”

“…” he picked up the letter and held it delicately in his arms as if it was the most precious thing in the world. If only, the most precious thing in the world was different and he was holding her right now.

Schumart had sealed the room with some of the priests and maids for cleansing and to prepare her for a funeral. There were plans of sending her back to Lebovny but Erudian would halt those decisions. She lived her and loved it. She died here and she would stay as well.

“Get out.” He said weakly and the two left him in peace and he carefully removed the pink rose and resin seal and opened the letter his Yerenica made for him.

✿❀❁❀✿

_Dear Erudian,_

_Please give me this one chance to use your name without your permission. I know it’s a big taboo here in Belgoat to do so without knowledge, or if the person is not your family or spouse, but please, just for this letter, may I use it?_

_Where to begin? By now, I must have passed and sweet Marianne had given this to you. Please don’t be angry at her or at the doctor. I have asked them not to tell you anything out of fear and because I did not wish to trouble or burden you with what happened to me._

_Please take care of Marianne, Your Majesty. For the past weeks that led to my death, she has been nothing but a comfort to my side. She may be saddened with my death so please watch over her._

_You might be wondering now, who? Who was it that I loved so much that flowers blossomed in my lungs? Flowers that grew so beautifully but with pain?_

_I love a man. A man who didn’t love me but took care of me. A man who made me feel cherished but not special. I fell in love with him but I don’t know when. I only found out too late and by then, I knew he would never be mine and that my fate was tied to death._

_I love a man who gave me the warmest smiles, the gentlest touches, and the comforting words. I felt safe in his arms and I wanted to stay there forever and ever but as I said, it was not meant to be._

_Erudian Lu Soledo Belgoat, I love you._

_Forgive me for loving you. And please, forgive me for placing more trouble, more weight in your shoulders with this death of mine. No doubt, Lebovny will blame you but I have written letters for them which will be sent by Marianne and I hope my explanations and pleads will reach their hearts._

_I hope as well that this death will bring peace to our kingdom and your empire. I hope that this death will be forgotten and you may move on. I hope you marry someone you love and be happy with her and live a long life._

_This may be irrational of me to say, but please, don’t marry her. I don’t want to die with the knowledge and fear that you will. I was constantly haunted by that fear and in my death, I can only pray for the best for you._

_I love you._

_I know you may not feel the same but I’m fine with that. I’m fine now and no longer in pain. Please be at ease with that knowledge._

_I love you, Erudian._

_Foerever and always will I love you._

_Love,_

_Yerenica_

✿❀❁❀✿

For the first time in many years, Erudian Lu Soledo Belgoat, Emperor of Belgoat, wept his heart out.

✿❀❁❀✿

Erudian remained in the room, holding Yerenica’s hand as he blankly stared at her while maids wiped her body with water and incense. She was bare underneath the white sheet and her eyes remained shut as another maid worked on fixing her hair.

“Are… Are you sure you will not send her body home, Your Majesty?” asked Schumart behind him and Erudian caressed the back of her hand as he continued to stare at Yerenica’s white face.

“This is her home.”

“…”

“She didn’t really mention much of Lebovny during her stay and she said that if she could, she wanted to stay here with me.”

_A smiling face and flushed cheeks._

_“Do you want to go back to Lebovny or not?”_

_“If I don’t go back, will you let me stay?”_

Erudian closed. _I should have said yes._ He stroked the back of her hand. _I should have said yes to everything that you asked from me. Marriage and staying. Everything._ His tired and swollen eyes went to her face.

_If you open those, I’ll give you everything you want. I’ll marry you, I’ll make you empress._

Of course, they didn’t open.

✿❀❁❀✿

There were letters of anger and fury from Lebovny, letters threatening war but Erudian didn’t have the energy to handle them and passed them to Perrik or Iven who tried to calm down the two grieving monarchs.

Erudian stared at the princess laying down inside the glass coffin.

Bellyugung Palace had been emptied out. All the walls and stairs knocked down, even the second floor was removed entirely. But the façade of the building remained and the glass windows replaced by white, pink and blue. Colours of the morning sky, colours of the princess, colours of Yerenica.

The entire palace that was given to the princess has been turned into a mausoleum for one.

He had heard of a king from the far east across the seas that built an entire palace for his dead wife and had the insides covered with jewels. Erudian would have done the same if it weren’t for the fact that his princess did not care much for jewellery. Oh, she found them pretty, but didn’t care still.

But she did care for flowers.

Flowers of her love.

_Marianne had said they was pink roses._

He looked at the empty halls and floors of the palace. The centre of the palace had pink, white and gold marble stones and in the middle of it was her coffin. Erudian raised a hand and placed it on the glass.

“Would you like that? Flowers? Here?”

No one responded.

“… Perrik?”

The aide who waited and stood by the door beside Yerenica’s loyal maid perked in attention and called out, his voice echoing through the empty palace.

“Yes, Your Majesty?”

“Have more pink roses sent. Call the construction workers and the gardeners. Tell them to make indoor gardens at the east and west wing.” He said, his voice scratchy and hoarse.

“… Yes, Your Majesty.”

✿❀❁❀✿

The entire palace, from the gardens to the very vases decorating the hallways of the Emperor’s palace, has been decorated with pink roses. It was placed in such a way that it wouldn’t be sickening to the eye and every time he passed the corridors to go to Yerenica, he would see her smiling at him, running towards him, calling him.

Erudian closed his eyes. _I should have a painting made._

“Your Majesty, please!”

The Head Wizard of the Tower, Chernurata Rosel, shouted behind him as he chased after him but was halted by the guards. Erudian stopped and turned his head to glance at the old wizard of the tower.

“Have some mercy! To what crime is the Tower guilty of?”

Erudian turned back to continue his walk, ignoring the pleads and shouts from the wizard as he continued his way to the Bellyugung Palace, Marianne and Perrik following silently.

_Everything. Everything. Everything._

✿❀❁❀✿

“It’s been five days now.” Erudian smiled as he caressed the glass. “I hope you’re happy wherever you are.”

For some miracle, the flowers and gardens were finished in a day. Even he was impressed. The windows were returned to clear at the west and east wings to allow the plants to grow and he didn’t mind. Whatever made Yerenica happy, he would do so.

“Your Father is upset with me but your sister and her husband is helping with negotiations, I know you were worried about that.” He said as he laid down a crown of silver and pink diamonds above her coffin.

“I had this made for you. I hope you’d like it.”

No response of course.

He continued staring at Yerenica. His sweet and beautiful Yerenica.

Before he cried once more, his sobs covered by a hand while the other gripped on the glass and gold coffin that held his princess.

“I’m sorry, Yerenica.” He cried out, “I am so, so sorry. You loved me, you loved the wrong man.”

Suddenly, a great burst came from his chest and out of his mouth.

“ _Pu-Ahck----_ “

“Your Majesty!”

Erudian looked down at his hand, at the splatters on the glass coffin, and on the floor.

Blood and white petals.

Flowers for her.

Flowers of his love.

✿❀❁❀✿

Erudian Lu Soledo Belgoat contracted the Hanahaki Disease but he didn’t die.

With the knowledge of the princess loving him, he survived but he suffered still with not having her by his side, with his mourning of her loss.

He never married. He never sired an heir.

The Emperor declared one of his cousins as his heir and lived his lonely life for his princess.

He granted Lebovny many things and gave them gifts and riches. Offered them more and more.

And when he was dying, his last wish was to be laid to rest beside his princess, his empress, his Yerenica.

And they were laid together.

The princess’ body which had become nothing but skeletons was laid in a larger coffin, shared by the dead and old emperor.

The Bellyugung Palace, covered in pink roses, was added with white roses. The roses that blossomed in the lungs of the emperor.

In death, Erudian Lu Soledo Belgoat and Yereninovica Susuvia Lebovny were together.

✿❀❁❀✿

Erudian turned and smiled at the laughing princess.

He reached out his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than I wanted it to be but I thought I have given you guys enough angst.


	3. And they are beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Ending yaaay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everything and enjoy this chapter!

_It hurts._

Erudian breathed out a sigh as he stared at the wooden door, a pink princess behind it, hand holding the golden handle which separated him from the person he wanted to see.

_It really hurts…_

He sighed and swept his hair back in frustration. Not directed to the princess but to himself.

He wasn’t ignorant, a fool, or an oblivious man. Erudian knew that the princess was avoiding him and he had several reasons why. He had promised her comfort and safety within his walls, assuring her that nothing will happen to her yet here she was, struck by some dark spell made by a woman who didn’t want her position threatened.

_A position that no longer exists for her._

Erudian would be a fool to let the woman have the title of Empress after all this. If she was capable of doing this to the princess, what does she have in store for him? Erudian was prepared for a married life filled with apprehension but even he knew when he had to put a stop to things and not be a blind idiot.

Yet, despite all this, there is still the problem that the princess refuses to see him. Erudian almost laughed.

 _Is this how she felt when she wanted to see me?_ He rubbed his chest. _I don’t like it._

The noise of coughing caught his attention and without permission and thought, Erudian opened the door quietly, peeking inside His body halted at the sight of her hunched over at her bed, heaving and gasping.

In his shock, Erudian pushed the door open alerting the princess with the sound and pink haired turn. Red-violet eyes widened when he saw the bloody hand and mouth.

“Yerenica, what-“

“ _Ahck—Ugh, cough—_ “

Erudian watched with horror as she coughed out blood and flower bud and petals. Pink and bloodied flower buds and petals. Her white silk nightgown covered in blood splatters and if Erudian didn’t know any better, he would have thought that she was injured or stabbed but, no. He did know. He knew what was happening with the princess with the sight of pink rose petals and buds coming out of her mouth.

Flowers of Love.

Hanahaki.

He rushed to her side and held her in his arms, soothing her with pats and rubs on her back as she continued coughing. Erudian didn’t mind the blood stains and petals clinging to his coat jacket or the mess the princess made, right now all that mattered was her.

“Princess—“

“No, no.” she whimpered and began pushing him. “No, please leave. Go away, please.”

Erudian grit his teeth and grabs her hands, “I’m not going to leave you like this. What kind of man do you think I am?” he watched as she started another round of coughing. He grabbed the glass on the bedside but she kept pushing it and they both stared at the bloodied sheets and the pink rose buds and petals between them.

“… How long?” there was no response and Erudian grabbed her chin between two fingers and made her look up at him. Dead and tired blue eyes met his red fiery ones. “I asked, _how long?_ ”

“…”

“To reach this stage… it must have been weeks or months.” He faltered off in realization. “Have you been hiding this from me all this time?”

“…” she looked away and Erudian let out an annoyed sound.

“Look at me.”

“…”

He grabbed her shoulders “Princess, look at me.” When she reluctantly met his gaze, Erudian released divinity that covered her entire body. “Just say the word and I will take it away.”

“Wha-What…”

“You won’t remember him, I understand your hesitation. But it’s better than losing your life—“

“No- Stop, stop it!” Yerenica pushed him away and Erudian grabbed the bedside table to keep himself from falling to the floor. “Don’t.” she sobbed, covering her face with her bloodied hands. “Don’t do it. Please, don’t do it.”

“Princess…”

“I don’t want to lose how I feel, so please, don’t make me do it.”

Erudian watched the weeping and coughing princess on the bed who was stained with scarlet. It looked wrong, so wrong. Anger suddenly replaced his despair.

_Who? Who is she so in love with that she wants to die?_

“Is it that man?”

The princess removed her hands from her face and stared at him in sadness and confusion. Erudian did his best not to stare at her gaunted look and her white lips covered in blood which continued to drip down to her clothes and sheet.

“What?”

“Is it that man from the letter? The name you mentioned.” There was a bitterness in his tone and Erudian reasoned it with his anger for the man who didn’t return the love the princess had for him. The scratchy feeling in his throat resurfaced but he pushed it down with his anger. How could one not be in love with the beautiful woman who now lay dying before him?

But other than her beauty, she had a golden heart and a comforting aura. It drew anyone in and no one would be able to resist her soft and ethereal charm. The charm that Erudian had to admit drew him as well.

Yerenica was silent before she turned away, hands in her chest as she looked down at the pink petals before her. “No, it wasn’t him. He’s married but it’s not him.” Erudian stared at her, willing for her to continue but she didn’t go any further making him release an exasperated sigh.

“I can’t just let you die, Princess. Not like this.” He moved further to the bed, sitting close to her and placing a hand on her shoulder. “Who? Who is it then, Princess?”

Yerenica did not answer him and bit her already weaken lip. Erudian’s heart lurched with worry. She’s already in the final stages if he is not mistaken. He needed to act quick and needed her to cooperate with him.

_She can’t die. I won’t let her. Not like this. Anything but this._

“…”

“I’ll bring him to you.” He promised desperately, his hands softly holding her shoulders to face him more. “I’ll bring him here, I’ll make him love you!”

Erudian didn’t expect her to cry from his words and he watched with broken eyes as she sobbed and sobbed. He sighed and pulled her to his embrace, caressing her back and hair as he tried to hush her, murmuring assuring words despite the impending doom for the princess before him if she didn’t say a name.

“Who?” he asked once more. “Please, tell me who and I will do whatever it takes to bring him here and see reason.”

The head on his neck shook as his shirt began to dampen from her tears. The white mixed with the blood and tears turning pink like the flowers between them, ignored for comfort.

“Please…” she sobbed, “Please, stop.” She tried to push him but in her weakened state, she can barely do it but still, Erudian tightened his grip on her. The princess shook her head once more. “I don’t want that. I don’t want someone to force themselves to love a dying person.”

“Then let me erase it.” He kissed her forehead, trying to persuade her to make the rational decision. “I’ll erase everything about him.”

“Stop it, please.” She begged and Erudian bit his cheek. “I… I can’t… please, Your Majesty, please don’t ask me to do it. I don’t…”

“Alright. Alright.” He murmured and patted her hair and back, eyes glancing down at the grey pallor of her skin and the nearly-white and transparent hair which used to glow of pink. She pulled away and Erudian, this time, let her.

There was a sudden cold air embracing him and he wanted to return her in his arms, wanted to let her stay there where he knew she would be safe from any harm. But he knew he needed to let her go.

 _Yes, but why?_ He clenched his fists as she looked like she wanted to lay back down before she paused.

“Can…” a small and fragile hand held onto his waistcoat. Erudian looked at her eyes. Blue watery eyes meeting red worried ones. “Can you stay with me?” she asked in a small whisper.

Erudian opened his mouth to protest but his eyes were still on those blue orbs that radiated sadness, fear, hope and love. His heart ached and jumped with what he saw in those eyes.

“Yes.” He whispered back. His hand cupped her cheek and she leaned into it giving that same watery smile from the temple before he left her there. Erudian resisted the urge and ache to press his cheek there, to press their lips together.

… _What?_

Before he could think any further, Yerenica pulled him next to her where she lay. “Please.” And Erudian’s resistance crumbled to dust.

They lay next to each other on the bed, Yerenica’s eyes on her hands clasping his right, Erudian’s eyes on her teary and bloody face. His other trembling hand raised and moved away the strands blocking her face and she hummed, closing her eyes. For a moment, Erudian was frightened that she was passing but was reassured by her breathing.

When it seemed like she had fallen asleep, Erudian stared at her.

He wanted to touch her, touch her so much. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her and make her his.

 _I love you._ He thought. _So, this is what it was. I love you._ He kissed the forehead of the sleeping princess as he let the ache overtake him. _But you love another. And we’re doomed like this._

Erudian let the horrible grip of guilt overwhelm him. Here he was thinking of her when she was dying and in love with another man. A lucky man who did not know the wealth in his hands. He was here, greedy and falling in love with a woman who loved someone else.

Envy burned through his every being and his heart, mixing with the love he felt for the princess.

He closed his eyes and wrapped her in his arms.

No, he wasn’t what he had stated earlier.

He was a fool.

✿❀❁❀✿

The entire palace found out about Yerenica’s Hanahaki after that and Erudian kept a close eye to her. He stayed more in her room and when he couldn’t he let the maid, Marianne, stand beside her all the time. Erudian rushed everything with the negotiations and every meeting he had to make. He didn’t want the last time he saw her being the true last time.

He made sure he was close, giving her every divinity he could and made sure Diego was in the palace when he couldn’t. Erudian prepared everything to delay the effect. He begged and begged for her to let him take it away, let the flowers fade and her memory of this man but Yerenica would just shake her head and say no.

 _“I can never have him but I love him, Your Majesty.”_ She would say with a smile. _“And I know he cares for me and he might be suffering right now knowing what he has done to me but I don’t want that suffering of him to worsen if I tell him more.”_

 _But I want him to suffer._ He thought angrily as he watched her warming her hands by the sunlight. They were taking tea in her balcony and it seemed like she enjoyed the fresh air and warm sun for her cold skin. _I want him to know pain knowing what he did to you._

And it continued like this for days more. She would stay in her rooms and Erudian would rush his work to be by her side. And when she would cough out blood and petals and buds, he would hold her and she would cry while clinging to him.

✿❀❁❀✿

Erudian stared at his bed sheet and his hand after his round of coughing.

Blood.

 _… It’s starting then._ He chuckled mirthlessly, wiping his hand with the sheets as he moved from the bed to the balcony, taking in the cold air of the night. _It’s faster._

He knew about Hanahaki. Knew enough from what he had seen from his father. His father who fell in love so late in life. Erudian was happy for him finding love, his father was beaming for the first time in many years after his mother died who his father considered as a best friend.

Erudian’s father had fallen in love with a noblewoman of the court but as they were speaking, Erudian and his father watched as she suddenly coughed and petals came out.

The woman died few weeks later despite everything his father did. And soon, Erudian’s father followed soon after, his age not helping in his constitution.

And now he was following his father to the grave because of his love.

“Ha…” he sighed and closed his eyes.

“Your Majesty?”

He opened them again in surprise and looked to his right. His princess was there. His Yerenica standing alone in her balcony with only a thin shawl for warmth.

“Princess… Yerenica… what are you doing here?” he panicked. _The cold would not help her._ He immediately jumped over the railings between their balconies and tried to usher her inside her room. But she shook her head and Erudian sighed. “Princess, it would not do well if you stay here much longer. Please, let’s—“

“Can you call me by my name again?”

Erudian blinked at the smiling princess. “What?”

“My name. I want you to call me by my name?” she tilted her head, her tired eyes showing. “It sounds nice. I miss someone calling me by my name.”

“…” he pushed the loose strands of her hair back and caressed her cheeks. “Yerenica.”

_I love you._

She closed her eyes with a smile.

_Ready to accept her fate._

Erudian grit his teeth.

_Not on my watch._

“I will cleanse you.”

She opened her eyes abruptly, blue eyes shining underneath the moonlight, making them bluer and glow. Yerenica did not move from her position before him and held his hand on her cheek. She gave him another smile. “No.” she whispered and rubbed her face on his hand. Erudian’s heart clenched. “No, you won’t.”

Erudian took deep breaths as he clenched his hand. In a way, he understood. He didn’t want to lose the feelings he had for her. He would accept his death, accept it but never hers. Still, “Why?”

“Your Majesty-“

“Erudian.”

“…” she blinked at his response before smiling again. “Erudian.”

A flutter in his chest and throat. He shoved it down with a swallow. “Please, Yerenica, let me do it for you. I don’t want you to die like this, I don’t want you to suffer anymore.”

“Erudian, I—“

Erudian grabbed both her cheeks and drew her closer to him. “I don’t know who he is, I don’t know. But he is not worth your life! He is not worth your death!”

 _And mine._ He trembled in anger. _I’m dying because of a stranger who she chose to love._

“Please,” he begged, “you have to understand me, Yerenica. I don’… I can’t bear to watching you waste away your life for this person who can’t even return your feelings. I, damn it all, I don’t want you to die!” he lowered his head. “I don’t want to see you gone away from my life after you gave _life_ to me. You have filled my days with so much joy, and with so many smiles and I don’t want that to go away.”

Erudian knelt before her in the cold stone floor of the balcony, his hands sliding to hold hers and he kissed them before pressing them to his forehead to continue his pleading.

“Please, Yerenica, let me take the pain away. Let me wipe it all away. Let me let you forget this man.”

A sob and he looked up to have water droplets fall on his face as the princess cried with her head bowed to him.

“Yerenica…” _No,_ he gripped her hands tightly in his. _I didn’t mean to make you cry. Please, don’t cry._

“Don’t make take this away from, Erudian, please.” There was something in her voice. Something.

 _A sense of finality._ Erudian gulped down the blood and petals as he accepted their fates. _They would die with their love unrequited._

“I don’t want to make this go away because they are precious to me. More than my life.” She cried to him and Erudian took all the tears to his face, letting them drip down from his cheeks to his chest where white roses were no doubt growing.

White roses. Young love and eternal loyalty.

_And you have that, my love, my Yerenica._

He briefly recalled what hers was. Pink roses.

_Gratitude, joy, and love._

_Do you love him so much, my Yeni?_ He could feel the tears brimming at his eyes, his beautiful and glorious image of the princess above him blurred by water. _Do you not know how much it pains me hearing those words from you?_

“I don’t want to lose what I feel.” She trembled and Erudian clutched her hands tighter in an effort to steady her. “I don’t want to lose what I feel… What I feel for you, Erudian.”

Erudian felt his heart stop.

“Erudian,” she said in a raspy voice. “Erudian, it’s you. I love you.”

Erudian’s body shook with the overwhelming feeling threatening to burst with her words as his mind was blank, empty except for her words, except for her.

“It has always been you.”

Erudian stood, surprising his Yerenica. She took a step backwards but Erudian wrapped an arm around her back. A hand on her cheek, he leaned down and connected their lips.

It was beautiful and perfect.

Until she pulled away.

“No,” she cried, “No, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. You’re forcing yourself.”

Erudian pulled her tighter to him. “Yerenica, no. This is not an act of mercy.”

Still, the princess shook her head, letting the waters flow from her swollen eyes. “I don’t want your pity or your desperate attempt to save me, Erudian.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “You want me to live but you don’t _want me_. You don’t want me like how I like you, how I love you.”

Erudian grabs her face gently and kisses her again. But not only her lips.

“Yereninovica Susuvia Lebovny,” he said after pecking her forehead. “You listen to me, right now.”

Silence and he knew she was listening.

“I love your smile, I love your teases, I love how you always see the brighter side of things, I love how oblivious yet smart you are. I love how you always speak to someone without a care of your position or theirs. I love how sincere you are with everything you do and nothing will change that. I love how your pink hair leaves a scent wherever you go. I love how your eyes always brighten when I’m around. You’re so beautiful, clever, sweet, and kind.” He pulled away and looked down at the teary princess.

“I love you, Yerenica. I can’t live without you.”

A new wave of tears came. “You don’t…” she whimpered, “You don’t have to—“

“White roses.”

She stopped. “What?”

“I coughed white roses earlier. And blood.”

“Erudian, I-I—“

“They’re for you.” He kissed her lips. “Every flower I have is for you.”

Erudian kissed her again, ravenous with her lips. He was dying and he wanted those lips if it will be the last thing he will have. Her hands were in his chest, for a moment he feared she was pushing him away again but she clung to his shirt, kissing her back.

He couldn’t get enough. Erudian wrapped his arms around her and kept pulling her to him, wanting to be with her. Yerenica was crying, and was gasping for air between their kisses and when Erudian pulled away, he placed her forehead in hers,

Red meeting blue.

Yerenica kept crying and Erudian knew he was as well. They both were.

“I’m in love with you, Yereninovica Lebovny. I’m desperately in love with you.”

Yerenica coughed and they were sprayed by pink rose petals. Erudian’s eyes widened as Yerenica hunched over, falling to the floor, hand on chest and mouth as she kept coughing. Erudian held her, combing her hair back and kissing her forehead.

“Let it out, my love. Let it out.” He said as he knelt to the floor once again to hold her more.

The flowers were now removing themselves from her body and Erudian smiled with tears. She was accepting her love for him. Erudian wheezed before a cough. His one hand on Yerenica’s shaking my back and the other on his mouth as he let out a single bloody white rose. A full bloomed one. He stared at it.

Yerenica stopped and he glanced down at the blossom in her hand.

A bloody pink rose.

Both of them bloody and covered in stained rose petals. They glanced at each other.

Yerenica smile and rested her head on his neck as Erudian felt a burden in his chest lighten and he knew she was feeling the same thing as well.

“I love you.” She whispered with a sniff. “I love you, Erudian.”

Erudian rested his cheek on the top of her head and closed his eyes with a smile. He held the hand which had his flower with hers.

“I love you.”

He stared at the two bloody roses.

The flowers of their love.

“I really do love you.”

✿❀❁❀✿

He read the letters. Letters of her love for him. Letters she had prepared for when she died without him there. Without his knowledge.

Erudian tightened his hold on his princess. Ever since they had opened themselves, he rarely let her out of her sight.

Yerenica slept in his arms as he wrote a letter to Lebovny, informing them of his proposal to their princess and daughter, of her agreeing to his hand, and of their plans to marry. Erudian looked down at the glowing princess in his arms and kissed her forehead.

“I love you.” He whispered to his sleeping love and his Yerenica smiled and snuggled closer to his chest, to his heart.

✿❀❁❀✿

“There, there. No more crying, my love.”

Erudian groaned as he blinked his eyes and reached for the body beside him. Cold. When his vision cleared, he scanned the room and found her standing beside the bed, whispering comforting words.

“No more crying, little one. Mommy’s here.” Erudian moved from his side to hers, standing and wrapping his arms around her before kissing her forehead. His Yerenica let out a hum as she continued to hold their precious little blossom.

Deckard Belgoat was the apple of his father and mother’s eyes and the evidence of their love.

_Well, there is another one._

Erudian rested his cheek on her head as his eyes went to the figure resting on the mantle of the cold dying fireplace.

Two roses, one pink and the other white, encased in resin formed to a sphere supported by a silver stand.

Flowers of love, indeed.

He stared at it before leaning down to kiss his wife’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for riding this story with me! Leave some kudos to show your love for my back, heart, and eyes! (yes, my body is that damaged for Raulus and EruNica)

**Author's Note:**

> There are two endings for the story. I know some of you will head on to the fluffy (is it fluff? I'm not sure) ending but please, please read the angst ending (i worked hard lmAo just kidding you do you you guys)


End file.
